Thinking hurts. That’s why it works.

«How to build a life» This is Arthur Brooks’s weekly column on meaning and happiness. Click here listen to his podcast series about everything about happiness, How to build a happy life.


S:A few years ago, A friend told me that his marriage was suffering because he had a lot of work to do on the road. I started advising him on how to fix problems, move more appointments online, settle for less money. But no matter what I suggested, he always had a counter-argument as to why it was impossible. Eventually, it turned out in my head. his problem was not logistics or job management. That House problem. As he finally confessed, he did not like being there, but he did not want to face the real source of his troubles.

Most of us have a laid back attitude when it comes to painting a picture about ourselves. If fully present, or in the language of modern meditators, being thoughtful– boring, or stressful, or sad, or scary, you will not want to do it. You can have a better time psychologically out of town, so to speak.

However, you should try to be more careful. As I told my boyfriend, it would be better for him to face the problems related to his marriage, to try solve: instead of staying in an interstate hotel five days a week. Likewise, avoiding attention will make it worse, not better, feelings you avoid. Dealing with them is more profitable, if not more intimidating.


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Y:you do not have to follow the Eastern philosophy, to know that reason is raging. Alive Dozens of applications and websites, you can learn the latest technology. However, research shows that this could be a Means: In case of many personal problems. It has been shown to reduce depression, reduce anxiety, improve memory, and reduce back pain. It can even raise: GRE points. I will not be shocked if I know that consciousness can help me grow my hair.

If attention is so great, why do we not all use it every day? Why do we still spend our time in romanticism or regretting the past, predicting the future? I think the answer is that consciousness is not so natural, in fact it is quite difficult. Many psychologists believe that humans, as a species, are not developed to enjoy here and now. Rather, we tend to travel through time mentally, mainly to the future, to consider new scenarios, to try new ideas. Social psychologist Martin Seligman goes so far as to say: call: our type Human point of view.

But avoiding distraction can also be an effective way to distract yourself from the pain. In 2009, four researchers wrote in the journal Emotion demonstrated that people’s minds are much more likely to wander when they are in a negative mood than when they are in a positive mood. Some sources of misfortune that lead to deviation քի delusion of thought. fear:, anxiety, neuroticismand of course boredom. Having a negative self-perception, such as feeling ashamed of oneself, is also likely to deviate from the present. Scientists write: European Journal of Psychology demonstrated In 2019, people who suffered from a lot of shame tended to be significantly more likely to get lost than those who did not.

Neurology gives us clues as to why we are fleeing into the future or the past. Numerous evidences show that wandering with that thought reduces activity in areas of the brain that involve the processing of physical pain. Researchers have known this for a long time social pain is: Cultivated by many in the same regions as physical pain; It is therefore logical that careful avoidance is a self-defense strategy for the mentally ill.

In:do you have In the fight against attention, two main problems can be to blame. you do not know how to be at home in your head, or to do They know, they concluded that the house is not fun. If this’s the first thing that bothers you, be sure to check out the vigilant և growing technology ական literature on vigilance. You can try the official meditation or just paying attention more to your current environment.

But if your problem is the latter, you have to face the source. Avoiding yourself will not work in the long run. In fact, many studies have shown that delusions of the mind to avoid emotions worsen the situation, not improve it. A 2010 Article: in: Science:Psychologist Matthew A. Killingsworth և My colleague Daniel T. Gilbert found that wandering around positive topics does not improve mood, while wandering around neutral-negative topics makes people more unhappy.

You can choose the source of your unhappiness here և now with professional support, just as you can ask for help with a marriage counselor. But even openly acknowledging your uncomfortable emotions – fear, shame, guilt, sadness or anger – can be the beginning of a solution, insofar as it encourages you to resist those feelings. It may be less unpleasant than you think.

Keep in mind that being careful is not the same as looking at a boat. Being here now does not mean rage at yourself, your problems, your contempt for others. Scientists have: shown: that excessive self-concern can increase defensiveness և threat perception. The mind must work to perceive as part of the wider world, դիտ to observe your feelings without judgment. As you try to focus on the present, remind yourself of two things 7 billion people; : Your emotions will come and go as a normal part of being alive.

There will still be times when you will be distracted, after all, you are only human. And sometimes, you may even want to do it on purpose. According to Gal Shepes, a psychologist at Tel Aviv University shown: his: research, you can choose to read a journal while waiting at the dentist so you do not have to worry about your nearest root canal. The point here is that sometimes you make choices, which means you are actually controlling your emotions, not letting them control you. In this case, distraction is a tool in your emotional arsenal that should be used sparingly, but attention should always be your default.

M:indifference hurts because life hurts. “If we were really happy, we would not need to deviate to make ourselves happy,” said Blaise Pascal. wrote: his: Thoughtspublished posthumously in 1670. “The only thing that comforts us about our misfortunes is the deviation, yet this is the greatest of our misfortunes.” Pascal never found a solution. He would probably raise his hands and say something like this to my unfortunate friend. “Your melancholy destiny is the endless nights of loneliness on that long and winding road, quite comforting, but sometimes modernizing at the Courtyard by Marriott.”

But my friend could have done better, he actually did. It was painful at first, but he faced problems at home, he and his wife find a way forward together. It’s in progress, but they are both much happier. And you can get the same kind of benefits by leaning on attention, not running away from distraction. You may not want to, but in any case you have to come home and take your pain.

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