When you find out that your partner has Prostate cancer, you both probably have a lot of questions about what will happen next. There will be a lot to talk about. But what do you say, չպետք what should you not say when you face the disease together?
Before choosing your words, focus on the “together” part of it. Your partner will benefit greatly if you are by his side. Go to meetings with him և Be supportive.
“If a man has a partner, I always encourage that partner to be there,” he says. urologist Jesse Mills, MD, Director of the UCLA Men’s Clinic in Los Angeles. “This is a disease that couples suffer from together.”
Urologist Clayton Lowe, MD, agrees.
“Tell your partner you want to get involved, go to meetings, ask questions,” said Lowe, director of the prostate cancer program at Duarte Hope Hospital in California. “Many men diagnosed with prostate cancer simply turn off their brains and worry, so it is very possible that your partner or spouse will process the information and provide emotional support.”
Stay positive for your partner
As horrible as the word cancer is, prostate cancer has a very high level of cure, especially when it is detected early. In fact, almost 100% of men diagnosed with prostate cancer who have not spread to other parts of the body live with the disease for at least 5 years, according to the American Cancer Society.
If your partner feels overwhelmed by fear, remind him or her.
“Most men diagnosed with prostate cancer do not die from the disease, you need to let them know,” says Lowe. “He wants to know that it’s all destruction, not gloom.”
When Prostate Cancer Does Not Need Treatment
Prostate cancer often grows slowly and is not immediately dangerous. In such cases, doctors often recommend something called active monitoring. (You may hear it called “vigilant waiting.”) This includes regular checkups to make sure the cancer has not progressed.
The advantage. Do you avoid the side effects that come with surgery or? radiation. However, it can be frustrating if you both worry that things will get worse. What do you say?
“Remind your spouse or partner that the doctors are on top of everything, that you are checked regularly,” says Lowe.
If you are worried about what cancer can do if left untreated, tell your partner how you feel. Then admit that it is his decision to refuse treatment, at least for now, if he և the doctor thinks that active supervision is the right choice.
“You have to be able to give that area to your partner,” Mills said.
If you: your partner has not had cancer before, this is a whole new world for you. You will need help finding ways to talk about it.
“There are many support groups for couples going through couples therapy:“Mills says. “They are run by cancer centers, hospitals, churches and other organizations. Ask your partner’s cancer care team to refer you to local groups. You can check Programs and services of the American Cancer Society, also. Psychologists and social workers can also help.
Resisting the side effects of treatment
Prostate cancer surgery can have two main “potentially long-lasting” side effects. urinary incontinence և Erectile dysfunction. Both can be quite frustrating. Radiation can also affect the ability of your bladder to erect.
Remind your partner that these side effects are often temporary; tell him you are there for him while you both wait for things to get better.
If your partner is not in complete control of himself bladder – A side effect that may take months or longer to resolve, which may prevent him or her from resuming the social life you had before treatment or even limiting the urge to leave home.
“Be understanding, do not diminish his feelings,” says Mills. “But encourage him to be somewhat adventurous, to realize that the new normal means he will have to make more stops to go to the bathroom.”
Talk to your partner about sex
The harsh reality of treatment is that it affects your partner’s erection ability. You may not be able to have sex like you used to, at least for a while. Talk about it soon.
“Have an open conversation as a couple,” says Lowe. “Talk about how important sex is to both of you, because many times it is more important to one spouse or partner than the other. And remember that she wants to feel loved տեսնել to see herself in a romantic way. ”
Mills says recovery after treatment can take up to a year, and your partner should know he or she is still wanted.
“Tell him you want to be close to him, even if you can not be as close as you used to be,” Mills said.
Just do not tell your partner that you are no longer interested in his inability to get an erection.
“Even if you say that from a supportive point of view, it is not right to say that having an erection is fundamental for men,” says Mills. “Instead, say, ‘I understand that you could not get an erection now, I still love you.’ For a partner, one can not really say that it is good to be impotent. Instead, say that I want you to feel that you are doing what you can [to recover your ability to get an erection]»:
However, sex may be something you are used to doing rather than talking about. If you have difficulty starting a conversation, Lowe advises talking to a sex therapist who can help both of you navigate the changes in your sex life. Your partner’s healthcare team should be able to make suggestions.
If it is advanced prostate cancer
Sometimes prostate cancer is aggressive and difficult to treat. It can spread to other parts of the body. Treatment for this type of cancer requires hormone therapy, which stops the production of testosterone in the body. This has significant side effects. Your partner will probably encounter the following:
- Emotional changes և mood swings
- Loss of interest in sex
- Add weight
- Lack of interest in eating, exercising or sleeping properly
“It can be devastating,” Mills said. “The quality of life gets a big blow.”
Your partner may become sullen, irritated, retarded, as a side effect of treatment, because he or she is facing the reality of an advanced illness. Give her the space she needs, but also be generally encouraging, Mills says. Encourage him Exercise: : Eat a healthy diet.
“Say, ‘I’m with you,'” Mills advises. “Say. “Let’s go for a walk” or “Let’s skip the fast food, drink a nice piece of salmon, some brown rice, stewed vegetables.” Be a part of that solution. ”
Help your partner in the end
What if all treatment options are exhausted and the cancer is in its final stages? You will still meet it together.
“At that moment, you can just be there and reassure your partner that he or she loves you,” says Lowe. “Show warmth, show your presence – ֆիզ physical, և emotional presence.”
You can also help her make decisions hospice care, where he wants to spend the rest of his time վել to make sure that any pain is under control, և that at the end of his life his medical preferences are respected. (These must be in him preliminary instructions.)
One thing you should not do is be dishonest about how things turn out. “You can not just tell them that everything will be magically better,” says Lowe.
Tell your partner that you will be with them no matter what, that it is good to let go when the time is right, Mills says.
“I think sometimes people just need to hear it,” Mills said. “They should hear from the people they love that there is nothing else they should do, that it is normal that death is not a failure, but a condition of life.”
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